


Knock Knock

by Kenzielovesleo



Series: Knock Knock [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Brief Underage Drinking, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Lots of Crying, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Minor Drug Use, Smut, Some tags are for part two, bottled up feelings, its very sad fr, part two is better spoiler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:48:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenzielovesleo/pseuds/Kenzielovesleo
Summary: “Hongbin I have an idea but you need to keep it a secret.”Hongbin saw a kitchen knife slide through the wall of his closet, gliding along the floor.“Taekwoon what are you doing!?”Taekwoon continued cutting until a square hole was cut through the plaster. He popped it with his finger and it came toppling down onto Hongbin’s lap.Taekwoon smiled. “Now we can always be together”
Relationships: Jung Taekwoon | Leo/Lee Hongbin
Series: Knock Knock [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960339
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19





	Knock Knock

At age seven, Hongbin knew far too much about things that were not meant for children his age. He wouldn’t realize it until later. But he had been exposed to a lot. He had an empty hole in his chest that he hadn’t realized was there. But he once had a taste of something that could fill it, when it was gone, the absence of it was startlingly loud.

His Mother, he thought, was a fairly normal human person. She had recently been divorced, she had a job of her own, and kept up on rent to hold the apartment space that she could afford for herself and her son. She got up every morning at six a.m., would leave the house by eight, and would not return home until five in the evening. As soon as she got home, she would throw her purse on the table with a sigh, hand reaching for something Hongbin wasn’t allowed to have, and she would drink. She drank until she could no longer stand, and would flop onto the couch, an arm rested over her face, crying silently as a mute television glared blue light across the dull grey walls. But that was normal, because Hongbin didn’t know otherwise.

\--

On Christmas day, Hongbin sat too close to the television, watching a cartoon that played every holiday, and ate sugar cookies by the handful, the one present his Mother gave to him. She was in her usual spot on the couch, unresponsive in her typical state for a good portion of the day.

On his last cookie, Hongbin paused before taking a bite and looked around in confusion after hearing a noise. He looked over at his Mother and walked over to her with Christmas sock covered feet, and prodded her with a timid finger. When she didn’t stir, Hongbin shrugged and turned to sit in front of the television when he heard the noise again, sounding from outside.

Curious, Hongbin made his way to the window and rubbed his hand through the fog stained glass, creating a small circle, enough for him to see through. He watched as a middle-aged woman opened the trunk of her car and took out two suitcases. He watched on interested as someone got out of the back seat of the car, opening then slamming the door shut. When they walked around to the front grabbing one of the two suitcases, Hongbin could see it was a young boy.

He stared on excitedly as the two made their way through the snow and up the apartment stairs. When Hongbin's vision was blocked by the wall, he jumped off the couch and ran quietly so as to not wake his Mother, and creaked the front door open just a sliver, enough for him to see outside.

Pale yellow light streamed through the living room and into his eye as he watched on in anticipation. He could hear footsteps walking closer from down the hall and waited, until the pair came up to the door beside his own.

From where he was crouched, he could see the boy and his Mother, fiddling with the key in their doorway trying to push it open. He stared up at the boy with a small burst of excitement. He had short black hair, pale skin and a slight chub to his cheeks, Hongbin could tell the new boy was taller than he was, even from his hiding spot on the floor.

As Hongbin shifted, the doorknob in his grasp shook and the door made a small creaking noise. The boy's Mother, too concentrated on her task didn’t notice, as she had opened the door shoving the suitcases in side. The boy himself however, turned with a start and looked down at Hongbin.

Hongbin's eyes widened and he opened the door a little more, not wanting to lose the one chance he had at making a friend. He chewed his bottom lip as he stood, looking back at his Mother still asleep on the couch. He turned to look back at the boy standing in front of him and hesitantly held out the last of his cookies which he hadn’t yet taken a bite out of. The boy stared at Hongbin, then at his outstretched hand.

He was taller than Hongbin just as he had thought, and he plucked the cookie from Hongbin's stubby fingers, without saying a word. Hongbin cleared his throat.

“I- I'm Hongbin.” he stuttered out. The boy continued to stare. Hongbin thought he had done something wrong and started fidgeting. The boy said nothing but took a bite of his cookie, then walked inside his own apartment following his Mother.

Their doors closed at the exact same time and Hongbin sat back down with his shoulders against the door frame, cheeks red.

Nonetheless, he smiled, feeling accomplished.

\--

Later that same evening, Hongbin sat with his back to the bedroom wall with his hands over his ears. Even through his door, he could hear his Mother shouting over the phone, undoubtedly with his Father. He listened as his Mother spouted obscene words into the phone and he felt hot tears spilling over his cheeks. It was nowhere near the first time Hongbin had overheard, but it didn’t mean it ever hurt any less, didn’t make it any easier. The yelling scared him, and it made his ears sting.

Hongbin liked his Father. And he missed him. He had talked to him on the phone a few times, elated when his Father told him he would be taking Hongbin to his new house soon. Hongbin had told him he wanted that very much, was tired of his Mother sleeping all the time, having no one to play with. The school he went to was boring and the kids were mean, the town too small and cold. Hongbin asked his Father to promise him. And his Father did.

To avoid the noise, Hongbin went to the only place where it was safe. The one place where it was so silent, he could only hear his own breathing, his own heartbeat. He walked over to his closet and shut himself in. Lying amongst the pile of clothes he had made into a makeshift bed.

He curled in on himself and cried. Sobbing like the young child he was. He cried until his tears would no longer come up and he was left dry heaving on the floor, wiping his stained face with an old shirt.

He sniffled and decided he would sleep in his closet for the night, not wanting to hear any more yelling. He could feel another sob rising from his chest but stopped short when there was a very quiet knock coming from the other side of his closet wall. It was so quiet Hongbin almost thought he’d imagined it. But it sounded again, a little louder this time followed by a soft voice.

“Are you okay?”

Hongbin blinked through the darkness, sitting up and wiping his eyes. “Are-are you talking to me?” he asked sounding young, innocent.

“Yeah… I can hear you crying through my closet.”

Hongbin was surprised. “You hide in your closet too?” Hongbin got the sense that the boy nodded and kept talking without needing an answer, “I hide when my Mom is being too loud. Do you hide cause of your Mom too?”

“No… I just like being alone. It's quiet.” The boys voice was soft and light. It soothed Hongbin to hear it.

“You sound like a girl.” He whispered through the wall; the plaster thin enough for the boy to hear him.

“I am not a girl.” He answered grumpily and Hongbin giggled.

“I know.”

They sat in silence after that. But Hongbin knew he was still there. It sounded like the boy was drawing with his fingers against the wall. The sound lulling Hongbin to sleep. But just as his eyes had started fluttering the boys voice carried over once again.

“Thank you… for- for the cookie.”

Hongbin frowned for a minute but then remembered.

“Oh, you're welcome.” Hongbin smiled warmly, “Do um, do you wanna be friends?” Hongbin's voice sounded timid even to his own ears. But he perked back up after he heard a short reply.

“Sure.”

“How old are you?” Hongbin asked suddenly curious.

“Ten.” The boy answered. Hongbin saddened, “How old are you?”

Begrudgingly he replied, “Seven.” He imagined someone that old wouldn’t want someone younger bothering them.

But almost as if the boy could read his mind, he spoke quickly.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

Hongbin smiled again and laid back down in his previous position, staring up at his closet ceiling. His Mother and Fathers fight long forgotten.

Before falling asleep, Hongbin had asked the boy what his name was. And the boy answered back in his calm light voice.

“Taekwoon.”

\--

It had become habit for the two of them. Meeting every night in their closet spaces. Always greeting each other with a quiet knock. They would tell each other about their day. Mostly Hongbin talked while Taekwoon listened. It didn’t bother him, not really. He loved to hear Taekwoon speak but knew he was quiet by nature.

After a few weeks when the time came to go back to school as the holiday came to an end, Hongbin found himself nervous. He had grown accustomed to the peaceful routine of quietness that Taekwoon brought him. And he was worried the rest of the school year would bring his ongoing ease to a fast halt.

But when Hongbin stepped outside of his apartment door, long after his Mother had gone to work, he was pleasantly surprised to see Taekwoon standing outside his door.

It was only the second time he had ever seen Taekwoon in person. Now in daylight, he could see Taekwoon, scarf around his neck, tip of his nose red, and he was pretty in a weird way. Not pretty like a girl. But pretty in a way that one would use to describe a painting.

Taekwoon wordlessly gestured his head to the stairs and the two walked side by side, all the way to school.

\--

When they walked through the office doors, Hongbin almost cried when the teachers made him and Taekwoon part. But it was to be expected since Taekwoon was older than him.

Hongbin's day had been filled with loud children all shouting and throwing things across the room. The other boys had teased him for wearing a pink shirt all day and he wanted to, but he didn’t cry. He ignored the taunts like usual and moved to sit at the farthest desk from other students.

When lunch came, he looked for Taekwoon across the cafeteria but was disappointed when he couldn’t find him. So he sat and ate lunch alone at the end of one of the tables.

Hongbin was thankful after the school day came to an end. When he walked back through the office doors, Taekwoon was waiting on the steps with an umbrella tightly squeezed between his frozen fingers.

Hongbin smiled and the two said nothing as they walked back home together, with Taekwoon's umbrella protecting them from snowfall.

\--

When they returned home, Hongbin paused before entering his own door. Taekwoon paused as well, mimicking Hongbin, waiting.

“Thank you…Taek.” Hongbin might’ve imagined it, but he swore he saw the ghost of a smile on Taekwoon's lips as he walked into his own home.

That night Hongbin whispered hushed secrets through the wall to Taekwoon about the boys at school. And about how the teachers got mad at him for distracting other students. All the while Taekwoon listened.

Hongbin talked and talked until his throat was sore and scratchy. And him and Taekwoon laughed when Hongbin's throat gave a weird sounding squawk. Taekwoon's laugh was breathy and silent but he could hear it nonetheless, his own laugh however was loud and intrusive and he covered his mouth with his hands suppressing the noise.

A few moments later, Hongbin heard his bedroom door open. He quickly got to his feet and moved to his closet door, opening it in a rush.

With panting breaths and wide eyes Hongbin stopped and stared at his Mother who was in the doorway with an empty look on her face.

“Why aren’t the dishes done?”

Hongbin looked down at his feet. “Sorry mom.”

Hongbin moved past his Mother and into the kitchen. He couldn’t believe he had been talking to Taekwoon until his Mother had gotten off of work. Usually Hongbin would have his chores done before his Mother was home. She was always in a horrible mood until she went to sleep.

He made quick work of the dishes, ignoring his Mother making noise behind him, grabbing stuff out of the cupboards. When he was finished, his Mother had already gone to the couch.

Hongbin made himself a peanut butter sandwich for dinner and took it to his room to go back to the closet. When he knocked, Taekwoon was still there, knocking back.

“What happened?” he had asked. So Hongbin told him. Between nibbles of his sandwich he explained to Taekwoon that his Mother always got really mad when he didn’t clean the house before she came home.

“What are you eating?” Taekwoon interrupted in the middle of his explaining.

“Oh sorry,” Hongbin said around a mouthful of food, “I’m just eating a sandwich.”

“Didn’t your Mom make you dinner?”

Hongbin frowned confused.

“No, I always make my own.” He finished his last bite and wiped the crumbs off of his shirt.

Taekwoon was silent for a few minutes. So much so that Hongbin almost thought he had left until he spoke just a note above a whisper.

“Why don’t you just come over for dinner tomorrow?”

Hongbin drew circles on the wall. “Wouldn’t your Mom be upset?”

“No of course not. She would probably like it actually.”

Hongbin thought Taekwoon and his Mother were strange but kept that thought to himself.

“Well, if it’s okay.”

Taekwoon said that it was.

\--

When Hongbin turned ten years old, he sat in sadness as the school congratulated the graduating class for moving on to high school. He watched Taekwoon, now thirteen, standing on the stage with a bright red gown blank expression on his face. When he caught Hongbin's eye in the crowd, he smiled, albeit very lightly. But Hongbin noticed.

At the end of the ceremony, Hongbin clapped as loud as he could as the graduating students took a bow and walked off the stage. Once the assembly was over the rest of the students put chairs away and the graduates went to visit their parents standing off to the side. Hongbin of course snuck away to find Taekwoon.

He found Taekwoon standing before his Mother cringing as his Mother kissed his cheek lovingly, speaking nonsensically about how proud she was.

“Hi Mrs. Jung.” Hongbin walked up to them and bowed, smiling politely. Taekwoon's Mother greeted Hongbin in return with a warm hug and an equally large smile on her face.

Hongbin was happy Taekwoon's Mom had taken a liking to him. She asked him over for dinner every single night, and Hongbin had always been amazed over the variety of food he had been missing out on.

Even though only just three years had passed, Hongbin was now old enough to realize that his Mother was not like other people’s parents. He knew she had a problem. He also knew that Taekwoon's Mom was trying her best to help him. And for that he was always grateful.

“I’ll leave you two alone now, I’m gonna head home and send these pictures to your Aunt.” Taekwoon's Mother gave him one last kiss on the cheek and gave Hongbin a kiss on the head as she walked out of the auditorium.

“So how does it feel to graduate?” Hongbin asked trying to lighten the mood.

Taekwoon shrugged, looking as glum as Hongbin felt.

“I wanted us to stay together…” pink grazed Taekwoon's cheeks but Hongbin smiled, relieved that Taekwoon felt the same way.

“Yeah, yeah me too.”

\--

When the new school year started, Hongbin felt odd walking to school alone. His day was long and boring, and even though he didn’t have any people to talk to, Hongbin was just glad no one was bothering him.

He spent most of his day thinking of Taekwoon and when he would see him again. He could no longer visit with Taekwoon during lunch or recess, and couldn’t walk home laughing together at nothing, couldn’t hold Taekwoon's arm when it was starting to rain and they only had one small umbrella to share. He didn’t realize how much he needed Taekwoon until he suddenly wasn’t there.

His walk home was a lot longer without someone to talk to, Hongbin didn’t want to admit it, but he was sulking.

Once he arrived, he came home to an empty house. After doing all of his chores, he flung his backpack onto his bed and sat down in his closet, closing the door behind himself. He knocked but wasn’t greeted with that light tapping in return.

He felt worry hit his gut as one million different scenarios passed through his head as to why Taekwoon would be tired of him, but half an hour later after drawing math equations on the wall with his finger, Hongbin heard a knock.

Startled, he paused.

“Taek?”

“Yeah it’s me. Sorry. I didn’t know school went on until three thirty.” His voice was his usual calm.

Hongbin immediately relaxed. “It's okay. I almost got worried…”

He heard Taekwoon scoff from the other side. “Worried about what?”

Hongbin picked his nails, a nervous habit. “I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore. That this would change something, you being away.”

Taekwoon laughed this time. “Hongbin, I’m not away, just going to a different school.”

Hongbin didn’t laugh with him. “We aren’t going to spend time together anymore… are we?”

The fear that Hongbin had before came back. Now that Taekwoon was going to a new school, the only time they would have together would be a few hours in the evening. And Taekwoon would probably be stuck doing homework or out with new friends. It made a twisty feeling settle in Hongbin's stomach.

Hongbin listened as Taekwoon stayed quiet for a while, lost in thought or just taking in his words, Hongbin didn’t know.

Taekwoon cleared his throat. “That won’t happen Hongbin. I’m not gonna leave you alone. I promise.” After a few beats Hongbin could hear Taekwoon sigh and leave his closet.

Hongbin, upset that Taekwoon had left, moved his ear to the wall listening to Taekwoon's footsteps falling lightly over his apartment, getting quieter, then after some shuffling noises, the footsteps got louder until Taekwoon was back in his closet.

“Hongbin, I have an idea but I need you to keep it a secret.”

“Um okay.” Taekwoon told Hongbin to move away from the wall and he did. He stared waiting for something to happen until suddenly, a few inches off of the floor, Hongbin saw a kitchen knife gliding through the bottom of the wall.

“Taekwoon!? What the heck are you doing!” Hongbin shrieked as Taekwoon cut a long line up the side of his closet then moved on to slide the knife along near the floor.

“Shh. I don’t want my Mom to hear.” Taekwoon continued cutting through the thin plaster until Hongbin could see a large, perfectly cut square. Large enough that it looked almost as if the bottom half of his closet never even existed. Dust and small chunks fell into Hongbin's closet and he wiped them away watching in awe.

With a pop, Taekwoon flicked the plaster with his finger and the small piece of wall came lightly falling down onto Hongbin's knees.

Hongbin stared, mouth and eyes wide open as he saw Taekwoon's face come into view.

“I can't believe you just did that…” Hongbin whispered.

Taekwoon smiled. His closet was just as dark as Hongbin's but he had a small battery powered lantern that he moved over to Hongbin's space.

“Now we can always spend time together.”

\--

Hongbin thought that Taekwoon starting high school would be a strong halt to their friendship, but he found that they had a stronger bond than ever before. Instead of only walking to and from school and speaking for a few hours, the two of them would spend all night together, heading to the closet right away after school and staying up all night, more often than not waking up next to each other in each of their separate closets.

It started just as playful chit chat, as it had always been since Hongbin was seven. They would whisper so as not to get caught, and would talk about their day, giggling at wild stories they each had to tell. Their conversations seemed to get deeper as the time passed. Without the barrier of a wall in between them, they found it easier to share hushed secrets with each other.

Hongbin ranted to Taekwoon of his Mother's problems, and Taekwoon in turn told Hongbin about his abusive Father who he hadn’t seen in years.

“I miss my Father sometimes…” Hongbin said, suddenly sad. Taekwoon looked at him from over his side of the closet.

“I don’t miss mine.” Taekwoon gave a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Hongbin laughed without humour. “Maybe not. But at least you have a nice Mom to go home to.”

Taekwoon stared at him with a blank expression. Something about it made Hongbin feel like Taekwoon was reading his insides. Knowing all of him at once.

He turned away from Taekwoon as he embarrassingly felt the oncoming of tears. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to will them away.

“Hongbin… are you okay?” It was when Taekwoon spoke that the tears fell. His cheeks flamed red in shame as he cried in front of the one person he cared about. He covered his face with his hands to block Taekwoon from seeing.

“…Sorry Taek. I’m so stupid.” Hongbin laughed trying to ease the tension. But Taekwoon was having none of it.

“Hongbin. Crying when your sad isn’t stupid.”

Hongbin held his hand over his mouth as he quietly cried. After a few moments, he felt a hand touch his wrist and was surprised to see that Taekwoon had crawled through the hole in the wall.

He pulled Hongbin into his arms and hugged him as tight as he could. Until Hongbin couldn’t breathe. It was the first time they had hugged.

“You’re too young to be upset about these kinds of things.” Taekwoon whispered, lips pressed to Hongbin’s ear.

Hongbin sniffed. “You’re young too Taek.”

Taekwoon was silent for a moment. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

They ended up falling asleep that way, with Hongbin curled into Taekwoon's front. Taekwoon's arms thrown loosely around Hongbin's waist.

When they had woken up, it was peaceful and comfortable and the two smiled at each other, still in each other's arms without saying a word.

\--

After that night, Hongbin and Taekwoon had become closer than they ever had been before. With all the nights over the years of their secrets and lives spread bare for the other to see, they knew everything about one another.

When Hongbin turned thirteen, he joined the high school along with Taekwoon and jumped around excitedly when Taekwoon told Hongbin that he was finally old enough to get his driving license.

“Taek please… you have to pass. We should go on a road trip together.”

Taekwoon laughed patting Hongbin on the back while they walked down the hall past other students rushing to class.

“You know it'll be about two more years until I’m allowed to drive by myself, right?”

Hongbin laughed, “Guess you better start now then.”

Taekwoon ruffled Hongbin's hair as he walked into his chemistry class waving a hand at Hongbin from the doorway.

Taekwoon had grown fast in the years that had gone by. What used to be cute chubby cheeks were now sharp jaw lines, his soft chocolate eyes still the same colour but became strong and confident. He had a high square to his now broad shoulders and his body was thick and lithe in a way that made Hongbin swell with envy.

Taekwoon was handsome.

\--

“Taek?”

The two sat in Taekwoon's room, no longer needing to hide in their small closets when Taekwoon's Mother was out at her new boyfriend's place.

“Mm?” Taekwoon continued to stare at the TV from where he sat on the floor, leaning against the bed.

Hongbin was lying on his stomach on top of Taekwoon's mattress, playing with Taekwoon's hair. It had grown silky and black, just meeting his eyebrows.

“Why does your Mom leave you home alone when your only sixteen?”

Taekwoon scoffed. “I’m old enough to be by myself.”

Hongbin pondered over his words and decided that yes, Taekwoon was old enough.

“But why does she ask if you want to be alone for the night?”

Taekwoon turned to Hongbin for a second before laughing and staring at his TV once again.

“She probably just thinks that since I’m a young man and I need space to myself.”

Hongbin frowned. “What do you mean?”

Taekwoon frowned as well, confused. “You know… just if I want privacy and my own space, I’m almost grown up.”

The thought made Hongbin realize how different they were. Even with the small difference in the years between them, Taekwoon very much had more privacy, responsibilities and privileges that Hongbin himself didn’t have- and wouldn’t have for years to come. Years that wouldn’t pass by fast enough.

“Hongbin?”

Hongbin shook his head, leaving his train of thought and stared back at Taekwoon.

“Huh?”

Taekwoon waved his hand. “Nothing just- sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

Hongbin shook his head and laughed. “You didn’t.”

To change the topic Hongbin jumped and sat down beside Taekwoon, crossing his legs excitedly.

“So…” he said mischievously, “when are you gonna lend me your Nintendo?” He asked stating at the small gaming system sitting on his dresser.

Taekwoon turned to him and laughed, reaching over to give Hongbin a small shove. “What did you think I was getting you for your birthday?”

\--

Hongbin came home from school one day to see his Mom passed out on the floor with beer cans scattered everywhere. He rushed over to her and shook her, knowing something had to be wrong.

It was too early for her to be off of work. Maybe she hadn’t even _gone_ to work. When he pushed her over slightly, Hongbin's eyes widened to the sight of blood from beneath her. He did the only thing he could think of and pounded on Taekwoon's door, frantic.

Taekwoon opened the door confused and worried as he took in Hongbin’s expression.

“Taekwoon…please help.” Hongbin felt himself panic as he tugged Taekwoon's sleeve, pulling him into his apartment.

When Taekwoon came into the room and saw what was happening he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket.

“Jesus… We have to call someone Hongbin.” Hongbin stared at Taekwoon hearing everything as a dull ring in his ears. He stayed, sat on the floor with Taekwoon holding onto his shoulders, even as the ambulance came.

\--

At the hospital, Hongbin sat in the hallway slouching in one of the chairs. He hadn’t cried. But even though he had never been close to his Mother he was still worried. The doctor told Hongbin that his Mother had alcohol poisoning, she had hit her head, but was otherwise fine.

He sat in the hall anyways and waited, just in case. Moments later he received a call from his Mothers cell phone saying that she had been fired. And that’s when the tears fell.

He sobbed in the hospital chair; head bent down between his knees as he leaned over. He cried even as people walked down the hall in front of him, watching with piteous eyes.

Hongbin stopped crying as a familiar pair of shoes stopped before him. He looked up to see Taekwoon's stony face and almost sobbed in relief.

He jumped up and fell into Taekwoon's arms. Taekwoon held him tight and kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his eyelids. Hongbin relished in it, not even caring that others were witnessing it. He didn’t care. He simply focused on the feeling of Taekwoon.

\--

The two of them walked home that night, Taekwoon's arm around Hongbin, coming to an empty apartment. Not that it had ever felt any different.

He took Taekwoon's hand pulling him inside and shutting the door. “Hongbin, I think you should stay at my place tonight.”

Hongbin shook his head. “No, let’s stay here. Me and you.”

Taekwoon easily agreed.

Hongbin walked to a half full bottle of liquor and grabbed it, fully intending to take a swig before Taekwoon grasped it. “Hongbin. No.”

Hongbin frowned. “Why not? I could use it.”

Taekwoon took it from him fully and stepped back with a disapproving and disappointed look on his face. “With every little thing you’ve ever told me about your Mother, do you really want to touch this?”

Hongbin started seething. “So, what? Now that my mom is gone you're going to dictate me now? Are you my fucking dad?”

Taekwoon's voice stayed soft, calm. He didn’t rise to the bait. “I _am_ older than you. I think my judgement is wise Hongbin.”

Hongbin slammed his hand on the kitchen table. “You’re fucking sixteen Taekwoon. You’re a child.” The first time he had ever yelled at Taekwoon.

“If I am a child then what does that make you?” Hongbin's breath caught in his chest and he gasped on a sob.

“That’s what I mean Taekwoon…” Hongbin's face crumpled. “I’m a child, but you’re a child too. You can’t take care of me. This is all so fucked.”

Taekwoon set the bottle on the table, and stepped closer to Hongbin slowly, grasping his hands. “I’ll always take care of you Hongbin.”

Hongbin trembled as Taekwoon pulled him in for a hug. He felt his breath slowing as he matched the movements of Taekwoon's chest. He let it calm him as Taekwoon pressed a kiss to his forehead.

They slept on Hongbin's bed that night, limbs tangled together, while Taekwoon threaded his fingers through Hongbin's hair. Hongbin let himself concentrate on Taekwoon's nails lightly trailing his scalp, and the smell of his cologne lightly filtering his room.

\--

They sat at a nearby café a few days later, drinking coffee that Taekwoon once again paid for. It was oddly peaceful. But it was so quiet, that it allowed Hongbin to think.

He was thinking over his and Taekwoon's relationship and it had him pondering over some things.

“Taek?”

“Mm?”

Hongbin bit his lip. “Do you ever think that me and you are kind of…odd?”

Taekwoon looked up from the book he had been reading, confusion written on his face. “Odd? In what way?”

Hongbin gestured around the room to the dozens of couples all drinking coffee together.

“Isn’t it weird for two guys to get coffee together? I always see the guys at school playing sports together, never anything similar to what we do. Have you never found our relationship odd?” Taekwoon stared at Hongbin so hard that he had to look down at his coffee to escape his gaze.

Taekwoon sighed. “We are out for coffee, that’s hardly odd." He took another sip of his drink and continued reading his book.

Hongbin threw his head back exasperated. “Taek, we sleep in the same bed every night, keeping it a secret from your Mom and you kiss my forehead to help me sleep.”

Taekwoon put his book down along with his coffee and shrugged, a motion expressing ‘what do you want me to say?’

Hongbin looked at the table, “Do you treat me special?” He picked at his nails, “because I’ve had a hard life…or because my mom treats me badly… is that why? Is that why you treat me special?”

Hongbin thought back to all those nights that Taekwoon would whisper in his ear and kiss his forehead and the moon lit the room. Thought to all the times they had gone out to eat and how Taekwoon refused to let Hongbin pay. He let Hongbin wear his clothes and hung out with Hongbin during lunch breaks instead of people his own age. Hongbin was starting to feel the friendship was one built on pity.

“Hongbin.” Hongbin looked up into Taekwoon's eyes that looked so mature and all knowing. To his surprise Taekwoon smiled. “I do. I treat you special. Not because of your hard life or because of your mom. But because _your_ special. So you deserve to be treated that way.”

Hongbin wasn’t quite sure what he had meant, but he accepted it as an answer as they sat in their previous calm silence.

\--

After Hongbin's fifteenth birthday, Taekwoon was able to drive without any limits and it was truly their first spark of freedom. Late into the night they would sneak out of their bedroom windows, and drive to a nearby field where there was a large oak tree a few yards out. They would lean up against it, staring at the stars and whispering to one another as always.

One night however, Hongbin noticed Taekwoon looking a bit happier than usual, and it made him pause through his midnight ramblings.

He smirked. “Okay, what is it Taek? You’ve been smiling all night and it’s a little creepy.”

Taekwoon's smile grew and he looked at Hongbin with a smirk before reaching into the pocket of his jacket.

He pulled out a small flask and handed it to Hongbin. “Normally I would say no way, but tonight we have to celebrate.”

Hongbin smiled and took the flask, taking a sip and coughing immediately at the strong taste. Taekwoon laughed at him and took a sip of his own, swallowing it down easily.

“So what exactly are we celebrating?” Hongbin watched Taekwoon's throat bob as he took another gulp before passing it back.

He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes, looking perfectly at peace. It made Hongbin's heart flutter. It also made him oddly melancholic. The thought that Taekwoon's life was going so well. He was happy for him, but couldn’t help but wonder what his own future would hold.

“Me and Hakyeon are getting an apartment together, we’re gonna be roommates.”

Hongbin stopped dead in his tracks and stared back at Taekwoon, knowing full well heartbreak was written all over his face. Taekwoon wasn’t looking at Hongbin though, still eyes closed, head pointed to the sky, smiling as the breeze waved his hair.

Hongbin stared down at the ground, hard. Now feeling anger bubbling under his skin. The previous year of school, they had gotten a new student named Hakyeon. And although he was nice at first, he noticed him getting just a little too close to Taekwoon, tagging along on his and Taekwoon's lunches, asking Taekwoon to meet after school. And Taekwoon in turn had started taking an interest in Hakyeon, talking about him constantly whenever he and Hongbin were together.

“Do you like him?” Hongbin's voice turned sour and flat, even he could hear it.

At the change in tone, Taekwoon opened his eyes and looked back at Hongbin, his back no longer touching the oak tree. He looked at Hongbin in confusion.

“Hongbin, what’s wrong?” he reached out to touch Hongbin's shoulder but was shoved away when Hongbin flinched back, staggering to his feet.

“I’m going home.” Hongbin stared down at Taekwoon's face and almost stayed, Taekwoon looked hurt and confused and it was akin to the feeling of kicking a puppy, but nonetheless, Hongbin turned and walked across the field, past Taekwoon's old car and down along the barren country road, too dark to see down.

He kept his arms crossed over his chest as he walked, trying to hold onto his warmth with how cold it was. The road was cracked and made him trip over himself in the dark a few times, but anything was better than staying in that field, pressed up against Taekwoon, listening to him speak as if Hakyeon was what the world revolved around.

He heard a car not too far behind him, and closed his eyes, both wishing it was, and wasn’t Taekwoon. But surely enough, the car slowed and the window rolled down. He should have been able to guess Taekwoon would come after him. He was too good of a person to shrug Hongbin off.

Hongbin kept his arms crossed and stared at the open window when the car came to a stop.

“Hongbin, get in, please it’s cold.” Taekwoon pleaded with him leaning over to stare out the window.

Hongbin simply glared. “Why should I? We aren’t that far from home anyways, I don’t care.”

Taekwoon’s face saddened and it made Hongbin feel guilty, so he sighed and opened the car door, getting in and slamming it shut behind him. The drive back was completely silent apart from the radio. Neither of them spoke, and Hongbin spent his time staring out of the window out into the nothingness.

When they returned home, he didn’t wait for Taekwoon. He simply got out of the car and trudged his way up the apartment complex stairs, slamming his door shut behind him.

It was a few hours before Taekwoon decided to bother him again. Still dark out, almost morning but not quite. He had perhaps thought Hongbin was asleep. He heard the panel of the closet being shifted, and could hear Taekwoon shuffling, trying to fit his overgrown body through the door.

He was careful and gentle when he laid down beside Hongbin, pulling the blanket up over the both of them to their chins. He rested a hand on Hongbin’s arm.

“Hongbin?” He whispered quietly. Quietly enough that if Hongbin had been asleep, he wouldn’t have heard it.

“What?” Hongbin whispered back.

Taekwoon shifted, leaning over Hongbin to try and catch his gaze, but Hongbin, ever stubborn, twisted his body farther.

Taekwoon sighed. “Hongbin, if you’re upset that I’m going to leave you just because I’m moving in with Hakyeon, you really have no reason to be. I made you a promise didn’t I? I’m always going to be here for you.”

Hongbin felt his eyes sting but said nothing. Simply let Taekwoon embrace him as they fell asleep to the sun rising.

How could Taekwoon not see that if he wasn’t here, then how could he possibly _be there_ for him? Everyone left him in the end, Taekwoon would be no different.

-

Hongbin closed up his closet panel after that night. It hurt Taekwoon at first, he had knocked on Hongbin’s apartment door, asking why, but Hongbin didn’t see how _he_ could be the angry one. Taekwoon was leaving, in less than a month, the hole in the closet would only be a painful reminder to him. It was best to let it go.

Their relationship changed after that. Taekwoon seemed to give him space, no longer speaking to each other every day after school. It would happen sometimes, Taekwoon would knock and ask how his day was, they would see each other in the halls, Hongbin by himself, Taekwoon with Hakyeon. But those moments happened less and less, and soon, the knocks no longer came.

Hongbin soon came to realize that the apartment was a very haunted place for him. Filled with memories of a childhood that no one should have to suffer through. He felt oddly young and small somehow, feeling upset and broken over everything in his life. He was angry, at his mom, his father, at Taekwoon, even at himself.

He sat up in bed when he heard a noise, a quiet noise, but loud enough through the thin walls. Curious, he got out of bed and padded over to the wall connected to Taekwoon’s room and pressed his ear against it.

It was barely there, but there were whispers, being hushed. Taekwoon and Hakyeon must be together. Hongbin tore away from the wall with ferocity, not wanting to be able to make out any words they were sharing with one another. At least they had the heart to not speak loudly. Taekwoon would know he’d be listening.

He lay back down on his bed with his hands folded together over his stomach. He could feel his jealously, his hurt rolling over him in waves that made his body physically want to recoil. He couldn’t stand knowing they were together, sharing something that Hongbin would never be apart of.

He clenched his hands into fists, sitting upwards on the bed, his chest heaving with anxiety. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t sit there. He got up out of bed and crawled into his closet, running his hands along the seam from when he had pushed it closed that one night.

Gently, very carefully he gave the plaster a small push, keeping his fingers on it so as to not make noise. He shot his hand out before the piece of wall could hit the ground and shoved it to the side, slipping through the hole to sit in Taekwoon’s closet.

Hongbin held his breath and waited, in case they had heard, if he’d been caught. But there was nothing. Just the continuation of the hushed conversation they’d been having earlier. He inched as carefully as he could, an old sweater of Taekwoon’s helping him glide towards the closet door. He leaned towards the crack in the slightly open closet and looked around, at first seeing the television on Taekwoon’s dresser, some old socks. He couldn’t see the bed, not directly, but from the small mirror up by Taekwoon’s desk, he was able to make out a reflection.

What Hongbin saw, immediately broke his heart. Their figures were small, shining back to him from the mirror, but it was all too clear to see. Taekwoon lying on his back on the bed, his head propped up against some pillows. And Hakyeon, Hakyeon was beside him, a leg thrown over Taekwoon’s lap. Hongbin couldn’t see from the spot he was at, but where their heads were angled, he knew their lips were touching, moving against each other.

Hongbin flinched as if he had been slapped, not caring in the slightest if either of them heard him popping the plaster back in place. He slammed his closet door shut and once again returned to his bed, squeezing his eyes shut against the image of Hakyeon and Taekwoon embracing. He felt sick.

-

He didn’t answer to Taekwoon’s knocks after that night, few and far between as they already were, he avoided him in the halls at school and outside the door of the apartments. But it didn’t last long, Hongbin couldn’t stand it anymore. Taekwoon would be leaving him and he couldn’t stay in that place any longer. The memories of his Mother, the loud shouting, lying side by side in a small closet with Taekwoon, speaking of everything and nothing for years and years. He wouldn’t survive it if he stayed.

He had made the call after just a few weeks, no longer able to stand the silence, but not able to let Taekwoon in either. He called his dad and offered to pay him rent if he could just take him into the next city. He didn’t want to stay in the dark and depressing apartment any longer.

It had taken a few days for all of it to fall into place, Hongbin’s Father was re married and there was little space, but there was a guest bedroom they said Hongbin could stay in. He packed his stuff, not caring much about the furniture, just wanting to grab all of his clothes. His Father came in his truck, a large grey four door that would take him away.

His Father showed up at the door, looking much older than Hongbin expected. The greeting was short, too many years had passed by to be comfortable, or close. He simply let his Father in to help grab his bags and took one last look around the apartment, his room, his closet. He opened the tiny panel, wanting to savour it just for one last moment. He didn’t stay long, but he sat, among a pile of Taekwoon’s clothes, knowing he would never be able to do this again.

He had wanted it before, to leave and forget everything about this place, but now that he was sitting in this closet, where it all started, he could feel the regret seeping in. He bit his lip, eyeing a shirt of Taekwoon’s on the ground. It was baggy, even on Taekwoon. Taekwoon didn’t like it because it made him look small, but it was one of Hongbin’s favourites. It reminded him of when they were kids, when him and Taekwoon had been on more equal footing.

He grabbed the shirt without second thought, clutching it tightly in his hands as he left the apartment, not looking back behind him. He got into his Father’s truck, closing the door behind him before they sped off, down roads upon roads of empty memories, each one brand new and more unfamiliar. Hongbin leaned against the open window, still holding Taekwoon’s shirt, not wanting his Father to see the tears building behind his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Double reminder that even one small comment keeps this Bitch going 💪🏻


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